


Memories

by Daisy_PoisonPen



Series: Memories [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spiderman (MCU), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Father-Daughter Relationship, Father-Son Relationship, Fatherhood is hard, Fluff and Angst, Grieving is hard, Heavy Angst, Other, Poor Tony, Possible Endgame Spoilers, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Tissue Warning, You’re gonna need a drink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-03 22:28:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19473484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daisy_PoisonPen/pseuds/Daisy_PoisonPen
Summary: Tony Stark is watching his wife sleep, resting as they get ready to have a baby. His reflections on fatherhood leave him reeling and grieving. Is he ready to take on such a monumental task as parenthood?If he were here, Peter would say yes.





	Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Spooderman is the best boi and I missed him. Tony missed him too, you’ll see.

_ If you die, I feel like that’s on me. _

Of all times, this is the moment that Tony finds himself thinking about Peter Parker. The  _ iron _ -y isn't lost on him.

The truth is, Peter will never heal into a scar. He will always be a festering wound of failure and disgrace.

_ Mr. Stark— I don’t f-feel so good… _

He finds himself mourning on what is supposed to be the happiest day of his life.

How do people do this?! How do people watch life literally slip through their fingers, but still move on with theirs? He is suddenly terrified that he can’t.

_ I don’t want to go! Please, Mr. Stark… _

He’d always been respectful. Young, impressionable and committed to life as a fantastic student and life as a hero—awkward, in an adorable, childlike way. He had a disposition and intelligence that Tony literally hires people for on the spot, and humility that it took Tony too long to learn.

_ You can’t be a friendly neighborhood Spider Man if there’s no neighborhood. _

_ If you can do the things that I can and you don’t, and then the bad things happen, they happen because of you. _

He was supposed to help Peter Parker. Instead, he got him killed.

_ I’m sorry. _

“I’m sorry too, kid,” he whispers. “I’m so sorry.”

Across the room, Pepper stirs, jarring him out of his depressive reverie. “Did you…”

“Nah—go back to sleep, Pep.”

She raises her head, alarmed when she sees his face. “Tony…”

“I’m fine. Go back to sleep, honey. You should rest while you can.”

She sighs, laying back on her pillow. “I’m sorry.”

“Pep, If I… if I couldn’t save him, how can I protect…”

Her face falls. “Oh… Tony…”

“I still can’t believe that he's gone. They’re all gone… he came with me because he is— _ was _ a hero. And he wanted to be like me.” Tony scoffs. “Like me? I failed him, Pepper, and now I get to have a  _ baby. _ And he… he gets nothing.”

“He got to be a hero,” she whispers eventually. “He got his dream. He got to be like you.” She motions him over to her bed, and he gives in, lowering one of the rails and scooting onto it. She wipes his tears with her thumb, her blue eyes searching his out, a sad smile on her lips. “You inspired him, Mr. Stark.” She nods when he rolls his eyes. “Yes. You were his hero. And now, he is a hero to the world. It… is horrible that we lost, that so many lives were changed or destroyed. But you gave your all to defend it. That doesn't make you a failure. It makes you a hero.”

“But… Pep…” he sighs. “I just really miss him.”

There is a long, difficult silence. “Do you think he failed?” Pepper eventually asks.

_ I’m sorry, Mr. Stark! I’m sorry! I just wanted to be like you. _

_ And I wanted you to be better. _

He was better. Now he’s gone. “No.”

“You fought alongside him that day. Why do you think you failed and he didn’t?”

“Because he’s dead and I’m not,” he snaps. He relents immediately. “I… shit, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be stressing you out with this, not now—”

“Not now? Now more than ever. You’re going to be a father, and you had a chance to mentor that boy, going through such dramatic changes in his life. A teenager with powers? I mean, you did this to yourself, but what choice did he have? And yet, he looked up to you with all of so much hope and trust—not because you are a failure, but because you are a wonderful mentor. And you will be a fantastic father.”

He realizes now that he’s probably always been a father. Maybe that’s why this cuts him so deeply. Peter Parker was… he was the son Tony wished he’d had, and Tony was the mentor Peter wished he’d had in a father.

He realizes that he is fully panicking—not because he is about to have a baby that he could screw up forever, but because he already failed miserably with his first kid.

His heart feels like it’s shattering all over again, but he takes a deep breath, lets it out slowly, meets his wife’s eyes, the clarity of them freely giving him strength. He doesn’t want to fail again. “I will won’t I?”

“Yes, Tony, of course you will.”

And he will. He will never risk his daughter, never fail her. He won’t make the mistake he made with Peter. She’ll grow up and have a beautiful life. He couldn’t give that to Peter, or to the other Vanished. But he can give that to her.

When she’s finally born, he watches her sleep, her tiny snuffles and soft noises somehow offering him endless entertainment. He’ll never get tired of looking at her, kissing the soft skin of her forehead, touching her tiny fingers with his. 

He allows himself a smile as he watches her cheeks puff and her tiny pink lips pucker—she’ll be hungry soon. He presses yet another kiss to her forehead, completely enamored with the baby girl in his arms.

“You have a sister, Pete,” he whispers. “Her name is Morgan. And if you were here, you would love her. Wherever—if you’re even out there somewhere, please… watch over her.”

_ Thank you, Mr. Stark! _

“Thank  _ you,  _ Peter.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> So when Tony said he had his second chance with Morgan, was he talking about his second chance at life? Second chance, maybe, at fatherhood? 
> 
> Morgan is a sweetheart and I have every intention of giving the best boi a baby sis in another fic. let me know what you thought, how you liked this and the movies and what not. Let’s chat on twitter or discord! you can find me as daisypwrites.


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